Teppoman 2

Imagine you are a ninja (unless you are one in reality, in which case, stop reading this and make me some goshdarn ninja popcorn), and that someone stole your overripe, non-savoury brown bananas for fun and profit, and now you have sworn to obtain your cherished fruits utilizing the forbidden ninja arts of shootery and guncraft; you will glide gracefully across many-odd bright ‘n chunky 2D levels slicing and aerating fools with your guns/knife. Also you are almost completely naked and devoid of genitalia, which is some sort of commentary on something which I do not care about apart from the fact that quite a few games from Japanese auteur Ikiki feature a clothes-abhorring protagonist.

Some sort of pattern, etc. but none of this matters with a platformer that plays like Teppoman 2… the controls took me a little bit of time to get to grips with, but once I had them in hand, the game has a fantastic flow which lends itself to speed running and such… it’s quite a visceral thrill to run fullspeed across a level, dropping enemies silently and dodging bullets with acrobatic jumps that feel rewarding to have pulled off. I’ll admit I’ve never played an Ikiki game up until now, and this seems like a good place to start. I haven’t got terribly far.. there are bosses every 5 levels, and you seem to need a certain amount of bananas upon defeating each boss in order to progress, and I can’t seem to find enough to beat the boss of World 10 it’s just that World 11 is incredibly freaking hard. Freakahontas.

You are probably smarter than I am and will have no trouble with this and you also are very handsome and I noticed that you have a bit of a nervous tic around your left eye so you should maybe get about 2 cups a day instead of 3, so go to and enjoy this fabulously non-hard-drive-threatening platformer (it’s the second link from the top).

PS. Unless your Japanese is most excellent, here are some English controls. O-yasumi nasai!

Arrow Keys – Move
Shift – Jump
Control – Attack
Down – Open chests/pick up items
Jump on Wall – Wall Jump
Double-Tap Left/Right – Dash
Dash + Jump – Long Jump
Dash + Immediate Jump – Glide (can be used to skim across water)
Dash and Turn – Skid
Skid + Jump – High Jump
A – Discard weapon
J – Suicide

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